FAsQ (Frequently Asked search Questions)

May 11, 2006 edition
Where Google and Abby meet in a freak Sitemeter accident
to answer your internet search queries.

DEAR GABBY: "won't answer the door" -- CLUELESS IN FAIRBORN, OH
DEAR CLUELESS: They're not home. Or taking a dump. Or having sex without you. Or just really, really, find your constant knocking and demand for instant gratification to be annoying as hell. You know, at their home. This ain't Wendy's, ya know.

DEAR GABBY: "servicing him" -- HOOK, LINE AND SINKER IN WALTHAM, MASS
DEAR SINKER: Not your job. Seriously.

DEAR GABBY: what wouldn't exist without rocks? -- PHILOSOPHIC IN SUN CITY, CA
DEAR PHIL: Why, rocks, of course! Hypocrites would have to find something else to throw at glass houses. An entire genre of music would be called 'Roll'. Men would have to find something else with which to 'get off'. You'd no longer be trapped against a 'hard place'. The game of 'Paper, Scissors' would be pretty damn lame.

DEAR GABBY: "the family stone" sly earth wind fire funk september -- FUNKY IN NY, NY
DEAR FUNKYTOWN: 'September' is by Earth Wind and Fire, not Sly and the Family Stone. Did you win the bet? Interestingly enough, without rocks, only Sly and the Family would exist, but they'd still be funky. Thank goodness.

DEAR GABBY: dehumanization rape culture -- UNITED STATES
DEAR US: Damn straight.

Looking for 'dehumanization stories' and 'worst humiliating stories'? Find out what the most common search terms that bring traffic to my site say about society. Write for Gabby's booklet, "Nothing You See Here Could Possibly Be as Humiliating as Getting Off on Someone Else's Pain" by sending a self-addressed, long, business-size clue up your ass.