Tagged, dagnabbit

Here I was all geared to go into hour 78 of the Great Green Screen Adventure, when Simply Wondered dropped this diversion on me!

A - Available or Single? Unsingle. That other word gives me the heebie jeebies, much like the word heebie jeebies does. If my head could process anything but the color green right now, I might be able to explain why.

B - Best Friend? The one that causes me to answer "unsingle" to the above question. This does not mean they are the best at everything!

C - Cake or Pie? Pie, hands down. Or rather, hands full of pie! Rhubarb pie in one, apple in the other.

D - Drink of Choice? Diet Pepsi for the caffeine addiction, Bloody Mary's for the zing. And what kind of bartender does not put a lime wedge on the rim? It's criminal.

E - Essential Item? A home.

F - Favorite Color? This one! It's similar to the first color I put on my walls, and was aptly named Canyon Redrock. I envy the ability of Paint Chip Naming Professionals to so accurately describe a color. In general though, I'm all about the warm, earthy tones. I practically faint at the sight of a Craftsman style home.

G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears. After all, I am 3/4 filthy German, SW ;)

H - Hometown? Only the blogs I comment on know for sure.

I - Indulgence? Raku pottery makes me weak, much like Craftsman colors.

J - January or February? For what, filing taxes? Getting over a New Year's Eve hangover? Celebrating President's Day?

K - Kids? (Doncha just love single words as questions?) As in what, do I have them? Do I like them? Have I heard of them? Yes, I have two, I like them most of the time, love them madly all of the time, and haven't heard from them since they went to bed tonight.

L - Life is incomplete without… Creativity.

M - Marriage Date? Is this like New Math? I'm afraid I missed the boat on this one.

N - Number of Siblings? One younger brother.

O - Oranges or Apples? Apples, Granny Smith.

P - Phobias/Fears? A bit of claustrophobia. A fear of being incapacitated, aware, but unable to communicate.

Q - Favourite Quote.

I know we've only known each other for four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half.

R - Reasons to smile. Color, nature, compassion, and dark chocolate.

S - Season? Spring. No, Fall. No, wait. Spring. Yeah. No, Fall. Yeah, definitely Fall.

T - Tag Three. If you are reading this and haven't been tagged, consider yourself tagged. If you'd rather not be tagged, just pretend you didn't read this. It's really that simple!

U - Unknown Fact About Me. I appeared as an extra in an after-school special.

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor.

W - Worst Habit? Nail biting. Er, smoking. Um, hedging. Smoking while biting my nails. In the hedges.

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Let's see, cold table where you lie for half an hour and they never get it right the first time even though you were still as a corpse and have to re-take it, or cold gunk on your skin for a minute or two. I'll take the gunk. Just don't ask me about MRIs.

Y - Your Favorite Foods? Black olives. Carmelized onions. Home grown tomatoes. Raspberries. Caramel. Dark chocolate. Broccoli. Anything with butter on it.

Z - Zodiac? Gemini. Send presents!

Showdown!

Guess who I'm rooting for?

No surprises here

Take the Worldview Quiz.

Now it's off to my first big work assignment! See ya 'round blogland on Friday.

I'll see your analogy, and raise you ::gasp:: an analogy

Wherein manxome hits a bad analogy in the noggin with
her own bad analogy two-by-four, for fun and prizes and shit.

In Ode to a sexist, BB highlights a comment left by someone who self-identifies as "::gasp:: a male". ::gasp:: a male's "greater point" (I would hate to have seen his so-so point) is that "Porn in and of itself is no worse than say watching a cooking show".

Well, who can possibly argue with that?

After slapping her forehead, BB replies to ::gasp:: a male, in part:

"I forgot that the last time I watched Emeril Lagasse he grabbed that turkey and called it a good bitch before brutally fucking it while slapping it and telling it that it likes it. Yep, I clearly remember that episode in which he kept telling that whorish turkey, "You like that baster don't you bitch? Take it you dirty bird"

Of course, one should read the whole damn thing. Which I did. Twice. Still, I cannot resist the urge, the need, to submit my own analogy in response to the ::gasp:: a male's analogy:

I am ::gasp:: a male and I think you miss the greater point

Hi, ::gasp:: a male. You'd be the dude in the bold face, right? Manxome here, claiming the default! (bwahhaaaa)

Porn in and of itself is no worse than say watching a cooking show

Nah, it's more like an episode of ER.

Before you rant and whine listen to my explantion.

Wait! Listen to my rant and whine before you explain it to me!

A cooking show demonstrates something that you may not currently do or have knowledge of

Much like ER!

But, if you watch it enough you are going to try cooking

I can see what you mean, since I now have this incredible urge to crack someone's chest open and perform a triple bypass based on all I've learned watching actors in a medical drama.

If you watch it with your partner and begin to criticize their cooking because it isn't as good

Well of course my partner's skills at surgery isn't as good as Dr. Luka Kovac's! Has he learned nothing from watching TV? Gawd, I tell him all the time, "Hey asshole, Luka has a much bigger scapel than you, and he knows how to use it!"

Without realizing that the person who is cooking has usually very little talent

Yeah, I don't get why he can't remove a tumor with the finesse of an actor on a TV show, either.

And it is all handled by assistants behind the scenes.

I know! Isn't that crazy? Goran Visnjic isn't really a doctor, does not really perform medical procedures, and there are all kinds of people behind the scenes who make it look like he is. What was I thinking? Obviously we need to hire a major studio and crew to help us out here, and then maybe our attempts at performing appendectomies on each other won't make such a mess on the kitchen floor.

Now, we all have to eat, and we all have sexual urges

Yes, we all have urges to perform surgery on others, because we saw it on TV. Right there with ya, dude!

The diff is that we usually don't harm others with our cooking, but with sex it is not just a casual activity

Well, duh, because if that could ever happen, we'd need like food inspectors and health codes and shit. I'm especially fond the $6.99 all you-can-eat undercooked mad cow night at Denny's!

But back to the real point, which is that we don't usually harm others when we practice medicine after watching a few episodes of ER, so it's no biggie. But sex? Whoa, that's some serious shit. Do tell.

Feminism has done good, but also must take responsibility for the harm it has done also

Well, yeah. I realized that one day, after trying to perform brain surgery on my partner. ER has been very irresponsible in making me think I could perform several complicated medical procedures in 60 minutes, including commercial breaks! Even though I've watched since the first season, they didn't mail me a degree, and no hospital would hire me. It turned out not to be the training video I thought it was! It wasn't really medicine!

You see as a male raised by a strong mother I was taught manners and respect.
I hold the door for people and say please and thank you, and told not to think of women as objects, but when women sleep around and use sex as a tool it makes it harder for all women

Yup. My attempts at do-it-yourself medicine has definitely made it harder for ER's viewing audience to be seen as anything but do-it-yourself docs. And all those guys who want to "tube" me? Yeah, they have nothing to do with it.

Just as what one man does influences your opinion of all men, what one woman does helps men to rationalize that "women really want [insert item] because I saw it as acceptable behavior by another woman"

No kidding! I mean, when I found out that not all hospital administrators meet their demise by having a helicopter fall on them, I was stunned!

So, given the premise that what one man or woman does represents everyone in their sex makes about as much sense as saying that because I think breasts are beautiful that I want rape women so that I can see more of them.

I know (bows head). We should all feel so ashamed for having never, ever said anything like that.

You can't have it both ways,

Right. When we play hospital, one has to be the doctor and the other has to be the patient! Sometimes we do switch roles, though. Sometimes we even perform surgery on ourselves! I mean, if you're not willing to have it done to you or do it to yourself, why would you do it to someone else, riiiight?

there is no absolute freedom..except when I don't want it

Right. If one wants absolute freedom, they have to not want it. So if I say "no absolute freedom for me tonight hon, I have a headache", you say "c'mon, babe, you know you want it" and shove it down my throat. Yep, sounds familiar. Damn feminism!

Or perhaps you mean that no one can have absolute freedom unless you don't want it. You know, because it's a finite thing that you own and distribute at will. Yes, we get your discarded table scraps! The food analogy is so clear to me now! I concede!

Meme stands for me times two

I've been spotted by an elephant! (Who claims to have tagged me because she wants to know what I have to say. I think it's because my posting has dropped off to horrifically low levels. Heh.)

Why do you blog?
All the cool kids d It's the least I can do for my ador To keep from leaving long diatribes in comments on others' blogs, respond to blogs or stories that don't have comments for me to leave diatribes in, and release some steam from the pressure cooker of frustration once in a while of not being agle to diatribe. If it helps me to express myself better and get over the diatribe thing, that would be fabulous. Don't know how well that's working yet.

How long have you been blogging?
Since January '06. Had two blogs before that, but dropped them as I tried to adhere to a theme (photos! snarcastic photoshop commentary!) and lost interest. I am now, therefore, themeless. It's so liberating to go themeless in public!

Self-Portrait:
I've got something even better! Here's an old clipping from a newspaper series celebrating my life:



Why do readers read your blog?
Ask them! I'm weird in that if I know why, then it makes me all self-conscious and self-pressured to keep up whatever level of something a person likes, which makes me start to suck at said thing and enjoy it less. So, I'd rather not know.

What was the last search phrase someone used to get to your site?
life lessons collection - That's gotta be my number one search term, which is why I don't check stats any more. Geez, it was one stupid, lame post, and now I just increased my chances of hits from it. Ah, well.

Which of your entries unjustly gets too little attention?
Any entry that doesn't mention the life lessons collection.

Your current favorite blog?
Writhe Safely, because I've just recently come across it and all it's psychiatry-stabbing goodness.

What blog did you read most recently?
The Bipolar View, natch.

Which feeds do you subscribe to?
All the blogs on my sidebar, plus at least a dozen more like them. Others would be blogger status, Carolyn Hax, Mike Luckovich, flickr comments, and updates on funded Kiva projects. These are all in my browser's RSS reader.

On my Google personalized page is gmail, netflix queue, flickr contact photos, Colbert Report and Daily Show videos, local weather, a healthy recipes feed, NPR, Reuters, and Christian Science Monitor news feeds. On the news page I have custom feed results for different keywords, such as low vision and bipolar. Seems bipolar is most often used in news stories as an adjective as opposed to a disorder.

What 4 blogs are you tagging with this meme and why?
Hexpletive, Laurelin in the Rain, Den of the Biting Beaver, and reSISTERance, because I just may have gotten tagged early enough to tag untagged people. Whoo! Oh, and 'cuz they rock.

Book meme thingy

BB cheated and tagged all people previously untagged, so I'm cheating even more and giving lame answers! What can I say? My memory sucks.

1. One book that changed your life-

"The Forest People" by Colin Turnbull. This book, about a Mbuti Pygmy tribe in Africa, is the first book I read in Cultural Anthropology class in college. That class, and the book, really struck a chord in me. You know how they say you really have learned another language when you can think, speak, and hear in that language without translation? This was the first book where I really felt that happening, except it was a process of seeing another culture without putting through the filter of my own. That process, whether it be culture or class or race or so many other things, is what really took hold in me starting with this book.

"There Are No Children Here" by Jonothan Kozol Alex Kotlowitz (duh) is way, way up there, though.

2. One book you have read more than once?

None come to mind. Too many I still haven't read yet.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?

Any good photography book that doesn't have pictures of the desert. ;)

4. One book that made you laugh?

"America: The Book". Damn, the inside cover had me rolling!

5. One book that made you cry?

I could hardly get far into "After Silence" by Nancy Venable Raine before the tears obliterated my ability to read further. Still haven't finished it.

6. One book you wish had been written?

Heck, I just wish I could write better.

7. One book you wish had never had been written?

I'll concur with others on the Bible.

8. One book you are currently reading?

Lame answer: not currently reading anything. I go through spurts.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

One? My wish list is unbearable. I've got several in the categories of photography, cultural anthropology and social issues, skepticism, and classics. I'm really good on focusing on one thing at a time and not being good at balancing.

10. Now tag 5 people.

No. BB tagged 'em all!

***

Extra Credit: (because I say so and because I watched two movies tonight)

"The Long Walk Home" made me cry a few times. Think I got mad more often than that. Some great performances, though.

"Mysterious Skin" made me feel like I could barely breathe the whole time. It was direct, raw, and painful. Freakin' damn.

Viral Video Vituperations, Volume I

A bottle of 20 proof cough syrup, a box of 3-ply virucidal tissues, 3 remote controls with fresh batteries, and a pissy demeanor.

Good Night, and Good Luck
The only thing better than seeing George Clooney in bed with Jon Stewart (pause, reflect, ahhh) would be to see George Clooney in bed with Robert Downey, Jr. Good night, this one's close enough! Tied neck-and-neck after the cocky smile competition, they enter the bedroom eye staredown. It's a close race, and the judge has sweat poring down her brow just thinking about it (at least, it could have been my brow). In the upset of the century, I call Downey by a raised eyebrow. That's what you get when the judge has a thing for raised eyebrows. What, you thought Stephen Colbert got where he is because of the god machine?

Prelude to a Kiss
I can barely remember what the movie's about. Alec Baldwin looks like he's wearing more eyeliner than I ever did in the 80s. Is that the way he always looks? He has to shave his neck, doesn't he?

The Laramie Project
Yes, I finally got around to seeing this movie. Simply amazing. It makes Crash look like a simple, one-dimensional piece of doo. Times ten. I therefore give it ten alcohol-laden cough syrup bottoms up!

Leap of Faith
A fine time-filler, if you ignore the craptastic ending. Sorry, Steve, you will never ever ever ever surpass the brilliance that was The Jerk. And Debra Winger is always hot. I even sound like her right now, except for the coughing. I'm hacking hot.

Sling Blade
It's a special gift I have. A gift for not remembering details about movies I've seen before. Like the plot, or the ending. I remember little more than my impression, as in "I loved it - I sense... sadness". I like to call it a gift because this way, I can watch movies I've already seen as if it were the first time, knowing that they'll be a big hit with me. If I didn't call it a gift, well, then it would just be sad. Really should have taken muscle relaxers before this one, though, as my jaw was clenched the whole time. Now I can't get to sleep. Hmmm, a few more swigs of cough syrup?

Diversionary Post #1

Look, over there, old guys on tour! Shouldn't they be playing in Holiday Inn lounges by now?

The Life Lessons Collection

As I attempted for the second day to read more than two pages of a weighty article in the latest issue of Harper's, the air was pierced when my spouse exclaimed, "I have got to get some of these!"

I turned to find him holding a magazine in his hand, with what appeared to be a pull-out advertisement for a figurine collection. I thought he had gone mad. He wants to start collecting figurines?

This turned out to be no ordinary figurine collection. The Life Lessons Collection is an ad campaign from TLC promoting some of its shows. I don't even know where TLC is on my dial, but I have to hand it to them, this campaign is hilariously creative and sharp.

Check it out when the weight of the world attempts to crush your optimism. Which may very well be pretty much all the time. If after watching the commercials you think "yeah, but I still need to be productive", make your own custom figurine and send it to someone you love! Or hate! Like Bill Napoli!

forTune Telling

Get it? Fortune? Okay, fine. Be that way.

Like everyone else, I saw this somewhere else. One of those places is Angry for a Reason.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
(This is not a great start.)

Will I have a happy life?
My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama - Frank Zappa, Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson, Steve Vai
(Nope, not a great start at all.)

What do my friends really think of me?
Don't Go - Yaz
(This is nice, unless they're trying to keep me from saving my mom from being pummeled by Frank Zappa's guitar.)

Do people secretly lust after me?
September - Earth, Wind & Fire
(I guess 1/12th of the time is pretty darned good. I have September locked, suckers!)

How can I make myself happy?
I Still Believe (Great Design) - The Call
(I keep trying, but it's been hard the last 5 years.)

What should I do with my life?
Love to be Loved - Peter Gabriel
(Well, at least in September I will!)

Will I ever have children?
Freedom - Jimi Hendrix
(Since I already have chidlren, I can only take this to mean that they will move out when they turn 18. Yeah!)

What is some good advice for me?
Keep on Smilin' - Wet Willie
(Only if someone ends the nightmare that is the Bush administration.)

How will I be remembered?
Things that Piss Me Off - George Carlin
(Okay, if this means I'm a thing that pisses George Carlin off, I'm toast. Most likely it means that people will remember my pissiness, which should be obvious.)

What is my signature dancing song?
Takin Care of Business - BTO
(I admit, I saw BTO once, and I did dance. I was drunk at the time.)

What do I think my current theme song is?
I Heard it Throught the Grapevine - Marvin Gaye
(Lie. I never hear anything through the grapevine. What have people been saying?)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Positive Vibration - Bob Marley
(That sounds better than being offed by a Stratocaster.)

What song will play at my funeral?
Rock Lobster - The B-52's
(And why the hell not?)

What type of men/women do you like?
Synaesthetic - Blue Man Group
(Bald blue performance percussionists! Of course!)

What is my day going to be like?
You Can Make it if You Try - Sly & the Family Stone
(I tried. I still haven't made it. If I can just hold out until September.)