Big Ovaries!

Gawd, I love the Uppity Blues Women!

Thank you, Molly

You'll be missed.

Mad logo skillz?

It's fun to see what I can come up with when a challenge is presented, especially since I consider my visual communication skills to be infinitely better than any other communication skills I may posses. (i.e. "infinitely better" is a more a statement about my incredibly crappy writing and speaking style, and not some ego-driven proclamation about my superior graphic design talents.)

The best part is reading the responses. Some have done a great job of articulating in words what I was trying to say visually. Reading stuff like that is, for me, the big reward in visual communication.

It's also cool to see other responses: Too corporate looking. Looks like a sperm. The style is too 1980s.

I loved that last one. The eighties is when I majored in graphic design. It's also when Saul Bass designed the original AT&T globe logo -- one I've long admired for its simplicity and clarity.

Simplicity and clarity. Two things I strive for visually, and need a huge shot of whenever I try to put anything into words.

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I got my first major paycheck from my new job recently. It's going well. The stress level is so low and I'm loving that. Yes, it can be busy, but that's not what stresses me. People stress me. Fortunately, what I sensed in the beginning at the first interview has held -- the person I work for and the people I work with are not asshats. What a relief!

The in-laws are (finally) deciding that they can and want to retire (at age 71). We're going away with them for several days soon to check out some places, and hope to come away from it with a better understanding of all the considerations. In preparation for this, I've been spending a lot of time gathering information about the kind of retirement communities they are looking for and crunching numbers so they don't have to wade through all this alone, and so that a few of their more notorious offspring can't find some way to fuck all that up for them so they can get something out of it.

Tonight an offspring, one that is not among the notorious, joined us for the evening as we were all meeting to talk about the places we were going to visit, compare what they offer, and try to figure out general costs. At one point, he proposed they loan him half the money from their home sale so he could pay off some of his ever-increasing debts. They would then be so lucky as to receive monthly checks from him to use for their own monthly fees. Basically, they put the rest of their lives on the line for what banks would consider a high-risk loan. What a fuckwad!

It took all of two minutes for me to not only get him to retract such a greedy, selfish and risky proposal, but to express guilt and shame while doing it. Damn, I feel good about that. Hmmm. I guess sometimes I can produce some verbal clarity!

Because it's funky!

and because only those without uteruses have responded to the last post.

Yellow Ribbons

Flushed

I charge contempt with the Government
of the United States of America
and to the Fascist State for which it has become
one Nation under Siege,
no Liberty, nor Justice at all

For Gordo and Laiyuanzhu

Original photo by Laiyuanzhu, via Gordo

Because I love to play in Photoshop, that's why.

What I did last night

That's right! I saw Jon Stewart and like N'il, I found it hard to remember what came before the puking dog. Good thing she made some mental notes!

The crying penis thing, I should note, was freaking hilarious.

Below is an an example of how crappy a camera phone captures something a mile away, wherein Jon is deconstructing the argument that condoms contribute to sexual activity. It will be hard to hear, so don't even try. The important part is that you get to hear my wonderful laugh near the end.

That's why they call it MENstruation

via Pharyngula

Meme stands for me times two

I've been spotted by an elephant! (Who claims to have tagged me because she wants to know what I have to say. I think it's because my posting has dropped off to horrifically low levels. Heh.)

Why do you blog?
All the cool kids d It's the least I can do for my ador To keep from leaving long diatribes in comments on others' blogs, respond to blogs or stories that don't have comments for me to leave diatribes in, and release some steam from the pressure cooker of frustration once in a while of not being agle to diatribe. If it helps me to express myself better and get over the diatribe thing, that would be fabulous. Don't know how well that's working yet.

How long have you been blogging?
Since January '06. Had two blogs before that, but dropped them as I tried to adhere to a theme (photos! snarcastic photoshop commentary!) and lost interest. I am now, therefore, themeless. It's so liberating to go themeless in public!

Self-Portrait:
I've got something even better! Here's an old clipping from a newspaper series celebrating my life:



Why do readers read your blog?
Ask them! I'm weird in that if I know why, then it makes me all self-conscious and self-pressured to keep up whatever level of something a person likes, which makes me start to suck at said thing and enjoy it less. So, I'd rather not know.

What was the last search phrase someone used to get to your site?
life lessons collection - That's gotta be my number one search term, which is why I don't check stats any more. Geez, it was one stupid, lame post, and now I just increased my chances of hits from it. Ah, well.

Which of your entries unjustly gets too little attention?
Any entry that doesn't mention the life lessons collection.

Your current favorite blog?
Writhe Safely, because I've just recently come across it and all it's psychiatry-stabbing goodness.

What blog did you read most recently?
The Bipolar View, natch.

Which feeds do you subscribe to?
All the blogs on my sidebar, plus at least a dozen more like them. Others would be blogger status, Carolyn Hax, Mike Luckovich, flickr comments, and updates on funded Kiva projects. These are all in my browser's RSS reader.

On my Google personalized page is gmail, netflix queue, flickr contact photos, Colbert Report and Daily Show videos, local weather, a healthy recipes feed, NPR, Reuters, and Christian Science Monitor news feeds. On the news page I have custom feed results for different keywords, such as low vision and bipolar. Seems bipolar is most often used in news stories as an adjective as opposed to a disorder.

What 4 blogs are you tagging with this meme and why?
Hexpletive, Laurelin in the Rain, Den of the Biting Beaver, and reSISTERance, because I just may have gotten tagged early enough to tag untagged people. Whoo! Oh, and 'cuz they rock.

Dammit

After a long winding mountain drive one day last week during our vacation, we arrived at the Breaks just in time for sunset. From some vantage points, the sun had already set. I was snapping like crazy. When all was said and done, this one looked to be The Shot™ when previewing in the camera.

One shot taken like this, and I thought I had it. Fool!

Usually I take several shots from the same vantage point to compensate for a pretty good eye but a shortage of technical skill. But, I was rushed and in awe at the same time, and I am lazy in that I don't like to carry around silly things like lenses and tripods and common sense. That would get in the way of it being fun, you see.

The Shot™ was tainted by the low light making it more susceptible to movement blur, which it did indeed fall victim to. So, I did the only thing I could. I photoshopped the heck out of in as a last-ditch effort to save it somehow.

Now it's a blend of watercolor and dry brush filters and, well, bleechiness. If I wanted a painting I'd get a painting. Really, I pretty much despise those paint effect filters. This is supposed to be a photo at the perfect sunset moment, dangit!

Bah.

Instead, here's a cat from a few days later in front of a country store. Not as time sensitive as a sunset, unless you consider that moments later it was obsessed with its genitals. This is a blend of the color and a sepia version of the photo. Now, that kind of photoshopping I can have a blast with.

Back to photo editing and such. Only a few hundred more to go!

I am a work of art

My Modigliani and Botticelli transformations are not quite as arty as that of Dr. Socks.

Macromania

Wednesday Visual Bliss: Memories

Grandma's music box.

If I'm not blogging about much else, can Wednesday Visual Bliss really be the break from much else it was meant to be?

After the burial service for my grandfather last fall, we found ourselves at grandma's apartment. For a few years now she has found herself overflowing with items from a 3 bedroom house that do not fit in a small 2 bedroom apartment. Conversation turned to these items, as she revisited belongings in a curio cabinet and shared tidbits about where they came from, and who she planned on giving each item to.

A long forgotten memory came rushing back immediately when my eye caught sight of the music box. It was in the guest bedroom that I stayed in as a child on each visit, and one of the few items in the room I was mesmerized by as I passed the time before falling asleep. There was just something about that textured metal, that distinct tune. It was always there, in "my" room, a wonderful representation for me of the time spent in that house.

I shared this with all the excitement of someone who rediscovers a fond memory some 25 years later. And with that, grandma pulled the music box that grandpa gave to her 60 years ago out of the cabinet, turned it over, removed the tape that had it earmarked for someone else, and handed it to me. I wound it up and listened; it's tune washed over me as if it were only yesterday since I last heard it.

I'm dancing with grandpa again.

Wednesday Visual Bliss: Raku

Flash raku by Les Mitchell.

Pop quiz time!

Fuck standards. Anyone's standards.

Hot or not?
Rad or bad?

or is all this just really fucking sad?

Instructions:
This is a timed quiz. You will have 3 minutes to rate 30 statements about me. Mark the corresponding bubble on your answer sheet with a # 2 pencil. Fill in the circle completely, without straying outside the circle, because straying is treasonous. If you change your mind, erase your first mark completely and consider yourself indecisive and therefore unworthy to judge others. This quiz will be graded on a strict pass/fail basis, and counts for a pure 99.44% of your final grade.

Without having to regard me as an autonomous human being with unique experiences, preferences, and goals in life, determine what each of the following statements Say About Me Emphatically, and score according to the following scale:

9 = Rad! (silly, there is no in between) 0 = Bad!

---

Start!

1. I don't use cologne
2. but do use moisturizer
3. I don't shave anything
4. but do tweeze certain hairs
5. I don't wear a bra indoors at home, or on short trips out
6. but do wear a bra outdoors and on longer trips out
7. I don't wear make-up
8. but do generally put on spot concealer as needed when I leave the house
9. I don't wear nail polish
10. but do keep my nails trimmed
11. I don't blow dry, curl, color, or perm my hair
12. but do use hair gel
13. I don't use tooth whiteners
14. but do use mouthwash
15. I don't wear jewelry
16. but do think it can be appreciated aesthetically on its own
17. I don't think weddings are all that
18. but did have one and enjoyed it
19. I don't do blow jobs
20. but do have heterosexual sex
21. I don't wear heeled shoes
22. but do go barefoot as much as possible
23. I don't wear short skirts
24. but do love to wear cotton camisoles under button-down shirts
25. I don't wear hose
26. but do wear underwear
27. I didn't breast feed
28. but did gave birth vaginally
29. I don't spend a lot of time in the shower
30. but do bathe more than once a week

Bzzz! Time's up!

---

Extra credit:
Tell me what exactly any of these things have to do with you.
You have all the time in the world.

---

Scoring:

• Add up all answers according to the number you used to rate me.
  Remember, 9 points for each Rad, 0 points for each Bad!
• Divide the total by 30. This is your final score.
• Look the result up on the following chart to double-check your ability to judge:

0-1 Manxome is patriarchy's best customer and is ruining it for us all! Oh, and you can't stand snark.
2-3 According to you, you are way better than manxome. What a relief for you!
4-5 Obviously manxome is confused. Tell her what to do! Stat! After all, no one has done that in at least 2 hours.
6-7 Aw, always a princess, never a queen. If manxome keeps working hard to present whatever image is deemed appropriate by whoever is deeming things appropriate at the moment and attaching whatever meaning they are attaching to it this week, irrespective of her stubborn preference for making the best personal choices she can in a society that sells conformity for profit and true choice for none, maybe someday she can be queen. Right, and maybe you think she believes that, too.
8-9 Manxome is Rad-ified as Queen and Grand Poobah of the Feminist Purity Ball! Sacrificing ceremony at 5 p.m. Bring a covered side dish.
10 There's no such thing as a perfect 10, you fucking cheater.

Grading:
Yes, it's instant real time grading! Of you! Isn't grading others fun?

If you scored:

10 Bad! You've been expelled.
0-9 Sad! You get an F, for not getting it.

If you skipped the taking the test, believing that it's hypocritical to judge random women based solely on their individual choices and nothing else, which have squat to do with you anyway, no matter what group you do or do not align with, you get an Afucking+!

Extra credit: You're kidding, right?

Today

Cut. Ha.

Diversions

MosaicMe: A blend of font and photo mosaics created with MacOSaiX.

Homeland Insecurity: Terrorizing Your Kids

BRIAN DOYLE, THE DEPUTY PORN SECRETARY

Brian is a dad and internet child porn "domestic spy". He is an explorer who loves taking adolescent females in your family on illicit sexual adventures! An all-around sick sack of shit, he keeps his perverted misogyny in great shape by explaining "in graphic detail the sexual acts he want[s] to perform", engaging in "explicit telephone conversations", and sending "hard-core pornographic movie clips" online to the what he thinks is a 14 year-old girl. He sees himself as "grooming a child for sex", and with confidence and audacity shares his real name, title, photo, and phone numbers with his victims. A great asshat, he encourages children to get webcams.

Here's a little more about Brian:

HE LOVES: Making friends! He chats online with every underage female he meets and loves to learn all about them. Brian knows that every girl has a special story and something great to share with him via webcam.

SKILLS: He has an amazing sense of entitlement and a security clearance, too!

HOBBY: Pedophilia (internet soliciting). He can tap out vulgar, explicit crap to you kids online, and expect to get away with it!

JAIL TIME: "Charged with seven counts of use of a computer to seduce a child and 16 counts of transmission of harmful material to a minor", he'll be a hit in his cell block!