Big Ovaries!

Gawd, I love the Uppity Blues Women!

Dec 6 is Free EC Day

Check out your local Planned Parenthood affiliate for details.

I had an abortion

No shame, no doubts, no regrets, and I'd do it again. Period.

Go ahead, say it. Say it however you want. Say it without reservation. Say it with your name attached or say it anonymously. Comments are moderated so that the spewings of asshats who have a problem with women making any decisions for themselves never see the light of day. Ever.

Remove hurdles: The National Network of Abortion Funds.

Arrgh

I don't even know what to write. Woman practices safe sex. Method fails. Tries to get EC. Entire state of Ohio treats her like a criminal with a contagious disease, but would welcome her with open arms if she was married. Or raped. Or married and raped. And it's all just so mind-blowingly assinine, this rabid judgemental hatred of women through denial of basic health care.

That's why they call it MENstruation

via Pharyngula

It's not you babe, it's your uterus

This one's going to be a snarkfest, because it's so vile one can only stomach a sarcastic bite at a time. Amananta chomped, found it bitter, and spat it out. Here's my half-digested chunk.

'Hey, you with the uterus! What are you doing? Be careful, we might wanna poke that someday!' This is the gist of Forever Pregnant:

"New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon."

That's right. From puberty to menopause, you are not so much a human being, as you are pre-pregnant. Never mind that you can't be pre-pregnant if you don't get, you know, pregnant. What you think doesn't matter. You are a vessel, waiting to be filled, whether you want it or not. Doesn't that make you feel special?

Silly, you're not special. You are a vessel, and urn. Maybe someone will come along and decide to put you on their mantel (lucky you!), and maybe they will put flowers in you. Or maybe not. It's really not up to you. You may want flowers and get flowers. You may want flowers and not get them. You may get flowers and not want them. Doesn't matter. Urns can't make decisions!

I know what you're saying. "What about the women?" Alas, it sure would be swell if all the health advice spewing forth from these recommendations had to do with concern for you, but it doesn't.

"Healthier women have healthier pregnancies."

See? It's not about you. It's about pregnancies that may or may not happen that produce babies that may or may not exist sometime between 6th grade and when you retire from your job. It's about how

"exposure to alcohol, tobacco and other drugs; lack of essential vitamins (e.g., folic acid); and workplace hazards can adversely affect fetal development"

Whoops, scratch that "retire from your job" part! Clearly you cannot take a chance working with all those hazards around! What are you doing, focusing on your own selfish needs for shelter by securing a job, when you have an urn to polish? Who's going to choose an urn that's been used? Just sit tight, be pristine, pop those prenatal pre-pregnancy vitamins, and shelter will be provided for you! Maybe!

Avoid the alcohol, tobacco and drugs not because it's healthy for actual existing humans, but because you don't want to take the chance that should you be chosen to become pregnant in the future, you could get charged with fetal neglect. For that beer bong incident that took place 15 years ago.

"Preconception care should be delivered by any doctor a patient sees -- from her primary care physician to her gynecologist."

Unless...

"The CDC report also discusses disparities in care, noting that approximately 17 million women lack health insurance and are likely to postpone or forgo care. These disparities are more prominent among minority groups and those of lower socioeconomic status, the report states."

No word on how the message will reach these pre-pregnant vessels.

"The NCHS data also reflect these disparities. Babies born to black mothers, for example, had the highest rate of infant death -- 13.5 per 1,000 live births. Infants born to white women had a death rate of 5.7 per 1,000."

So the most at-risk vessels won't get the message. They will still have high rates of infant death, while whites of higher socioeconomic status may see a reduction in infant death rates, effectively increasing births from this group. (Please tell me I'm reading this wrong.) Why this, as opposed to real health care, universal health care?

"It's simple and [it] costs nothing."

Of course: It's simple-minded and effectively does nothing. Except to further reduce women to non-person status.

"Experts acknowledge that women with no plans to get pregnant in the near future may resist preconception care."

Gosh, when you put it that way, who wouldn't? Which is why...

"clinicians must find a 'way to do this and not scare women'"

Asshats.

Now, I know what you're thinking, "What about the men?!?!"

I've got you covered.

While I acknowledge that men with no plans to get anyone pregnant in the near future may resist, I propose a program to address "pre-ejaculate care." Guidelines will ask all males capable of producing sperm to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-ejaculate, regardless of whether they plan to have sexual intercourse anytime soon. Exposure to alcohol, tobacco and other drugs; lack of essential vitamins; and workplace hazards can adversely affect sperm count. To be safe, one should wear a condom at all times from puberty until death, lest any of the little buggers get out, possibly enter a tarnished vessel, and possibly produce a fetus.

Don't ever say I didn't think about the men.

[update - more from Amananta, for those who think we're overreacting and this is not as bad as it sounds.]

Miracle of the Uterine Wall

(Snarkland, AL) - Members of the Vast Reality-Based Conspiracy want to share what they're calling a miracle.

Flooding caused some drywall at an Alabama strip-mall church to buckle into an image that its flock believes is an image of the all-powerful Uterus.

A picture frame was hung up around the mark in an attempt to contain its awsome power until state abortion bans kick in. Since people can't help but line up to cop a feel, several people claim they've discovered knowledge.

"Many have deconverted," the Pastor Ella may have said. "One young woman that belonged here was scheduled to take a chastity pledge. She laid her hand there on the uterine wall, and the next week she started spouting off about the Patriarchy. I just can't see where, why, how."

Church members say miracles of logic occur when you touch the wall. "From touching that, my ignorance began to clear up completely," Benita may have said.

Skeptics like James are not sure what to make of it. He suffers from male entitlement and is hoping for an even better life. "I heard about it a couple of hours ago," said James. When he was asked why he came, his response was "I don't know, I just wanted to see naked girl parts."

"You also have to look at it through your opened eyes and be able to recognize that it is personal autonomy on that wall," Benita may have realized.

Church leaders say it really doesn't matter if you believe any of the testimonials about people getting some sense knocked into them. But what is a fact, is that more and more people are becoming radical feminists every day.










Photo credit: Unleashing of the Womb that Destroyed Manhattan by Marcus at GiFS

Carnival of the Misogynists

Today we meet vaginaphobic commenter Wally, who thinks men should get the same right to "opt-out" of parenthood that women do. Supposedly getting out of child support by saying the magic phrase "I don't want a kid" sometime after depositing his seed is equal to getting an abortion or being pregnant for 9 months and giving birth. So far Wally does not seem to be interested in acquiring his own uterus so he can do these things and be all "equal", while his imaginary girlfriend trots off into the sunset to knock up the next guy with a clear conscience.


Oh, I'm picking out a Uterus for you
Not an ordinary uterus for you
But the extra best uterus you can buy
with vinyl
and stripes
and a cup built right in!

I'm picking out a Uterus for you
And maybe a barometer too.
And what else can I buy,
so on me you will rely,
a rear-end thermometer too.

All Your Uteri Are Belong to South Dakota

Governor Mike Rounds sits very still for the camera as he prepares to sign legislation March 6, 2006, in Pierre, S.D.. (AP Photo/Joe Kafka)

PIERRE, SNARK DAKOTA - Gov. Mike Rounds signed a contract Monday that would transfer ownership of nearly all 390,000 uteri in South Dakota to the state. "We have until July 1 to raise funds for the purchase," he kind of said. The bidding started with an anonymous donor's pledge of $1 million, setting the initial uterine value at 39 cents per unit; the same as a first class postage stamp (handling is extra). State Senator Bill Napoli said that while they could probably get a good bulk rate on postage, "I really think we're pushing the envelope on that." The legislature concurred, determining that uteri probably do not fit into a standard mailing envelope. A special account has been set up to accept donations to cover the extra postage and shackles necessary for forced births.

Are there any uteri the state does not want? Napoli, dressed in his favorite wild west outfit, really said that the state does not value uteri that come from brutally raped, savaged, suicidal unmarried religious virgins who are "sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it." They get to keep theirs, he said, as long as the state gets to hear all the details. "It would probably help if we could get a copy on tape," he may have added.